Bryon Hammer
Bryon Hammer
Submitted by Unknown on 2/19/06
Bryon Hammer once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke
the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while
she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Bryon Hammer does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Bryon Hammer sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Bryon roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.
Bryon Hammer recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Bryon Hammer
smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different
kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30
minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Bryon Hammer. It was
more "humane".
If you can see Bryon Hammer, he can see you. If you can't see Bryon
Hammer you may be only seconds away from death.
Bryon Hammer doesn't see dead people. He makes people
dead.
Bryon Hammer never misspells a word. If he does, he simply changes the
spelling.
Bryon Hammer once went to a frat party, and preceded to roundhouse every
popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and fell on their floor,
just because he's Bryon Hammer.
Bryon Hammer found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from
"Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of
Hammer having sex with Conan's wife.
The chief export of Bryon Hammer is pain.
Bryon Hammer doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have
a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in
every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the **** out of viruses.
That's why Bryon Hammer never gets ill.
Bryon Hammer frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can
"accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler
did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by
Bryon Hammer.
Bryon Hammer ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just
bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Bryon Hammer calmly
says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in
the face.
Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 and a half hotdogs in 12 minutes. Bryon Hammer ate 12
asian babies in 50 and a half minutes. Bryon Hammer won.
In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Bryon Hammer replaced Carlton for
one scene and nobody noticed.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Bryon Hammer roundhouse kicked
her into a glacier.
Bryon requested he be allowed to bone Christie Brinkley after ever total gym
infomercial and she agreed!
14 More Little Known Facts About Bryon Hammer
1. Bryon Hammer's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. A man once asked Bryon Hammer if his real name is "Bryon Hammer".
Bryon Hammer did not respond, he simply stared at him until he
exploded.
3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Bryon Hammer instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
he grew a beard.
4. Bryon Hammer built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Bryon met all three bullets with his
beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Bryon
Hammer--more than meets the eye, Bryon Hammer--robot in disguise," and
starred Bryon Hammer as an Industrial Technologist who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far
too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
6. Bryon Hammer was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift
of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined
influence
to have Bryon omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of
roundhouse kick related deaths.
7. Bryon Hammer once shot a German plane down with his finger, by
yelling, "Bang!"
8. When Bryon Hammer plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from
cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on
his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
9. Bryon Hammer can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".
10. Bryon Hammer does not sleep. He waits.
11. When Bryon Hammer's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Bryon
said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came
back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he
threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with
cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her
a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Bryon Hammer."
12. Bryon Hammer took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take
yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my
virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
13. Bryon Hammer is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
14. Bryon Hammer once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to
put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his"
way.
February 16, 2006 9:31 PM CST
Stuff For Sale
I am still sick but I thought that everyone would be interested in knowing that I have stuff for sale on the internet.
Computer Memory at eBay: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=6850635785&rd=1&sspagename=STRK%3AMESE%3AIT&rd=1
Video and Books at Amazon: http://s1.amazon.com/exec/varzea/ts/customer-open-marketplace-items/A3I51MRLJUHYBP/ref=fb_comi_spgl/104-0959499-2735137
Buy some stuff from me and help me feel better.
February 15, 2006 7:22 PM CST
Feeling Better
I was not feeling very good when I wrote my previous blog report. However after an Advil and a 2+ hour cat nap I am feeling much better. The pic above is one that I use for my wallpaper. Download different ones at Ruby's Headquarters at ATI.
February 15, 2006 4:28 PM CST
New Memory On Its Way
Well I ordered the memory on the 13th so it should be arriving tomorrow before 7:00pm. I am really anxious to see how this upgrade changes the performance of my computer. I had no idea that I was only running 512MB. I really just assumed that both 512MB sticks were functioning properly. 2GB will be a vast improvement on everything once it comes in. I also bought two Power Mates, The Complete Zombie Survival Guide, and a used 30GB IDE Hard Drive from eBay for alphaomega8. I am truly satisfied with the purchases that I have made. Once everything is installed then I will write a blog report about the performance increase in games like Halo for PC and Half Life 2.
The picture above is of the beach when my brother and I went to Galveston Island over the summer.
February 13, 2006 6:32 PM CST
Computer Problems
I have just discovered that my 1GB of memory computer that I built over a year ago has only been running on 512MB of memory. Apparently when I purchased memory for my computer I accidentally got the wrong stuff. I know that there is no way to exchange the stuff I already have so I am going to be putting my old memory up on eBay just as soon as my new stuff comes in from ZipZoomFly. Talk about one of those "no-brainers" that everyone has on occasion.
Top Ten Reasons Why Dell Is Not What They Used To Be - (condensed to two reasons). Dell is secretly discontinuing my PDA model. I have the Axim X30i and I went to Dell a couple of days ago to get new screen protectors and they didn't have any. I had to go to a third part web site (eBay) to find what I needed. The other reason is my PDA keyboard broke and I had to buy another one. When the box arrived it had power supplies for laptops in it. I have no idea what is going on over at Dell but I think that they need to hire some people like me to clean up the mess they are creating with customer relations.
The picture above is a screen shot of my desktop. I though that everyone would like it if they were a Star Wars fan.
That is it for today. See ya next time.
February 12, 2006 4:55 PM CST
Everyone must check out TWIT it is a very interesting pod cast that I believe will satisfy the geek in all of us. It is free.
Also if you have a web page and do a lot of FTP stuff then you should get Smart FTP it is free as well.
By the way the pic above is of all of my computers. I am also going to try and get an update over in my photo blog as well.